Dear J,

God I'm hopeless. Daniel told me that he's going to have a going-away party before leaving for Japan, and my stupid brain immediately jumped to thinking about seeing you one last time at that party. It doesn't help that I'm drawing parallels to that evening in the Longstone when we went out for a walk.

Its honestly sad, I've even decided I want to give you that Hound book that I got from backing that Kickstarter. Why can't I convince myself that this is over, and move on with my life? I think its because I'm afraid. That if I do, that will be the point that you come back to me, but by then I will have removed all evidence of you from my life.

Could it have worked? If only I had properly talked to you, told you my fears about the relationship. The worst part of all this is the constant wondering of whether we could have salvaged it all. I hate this. I hate you. Please stop invading my thoughts. Let me move on from you, like you have from me.

M