Dear J,

Today I teared up watching Fullmetal Alchemist. That was never a show you watched, and yet, I still seem to associate you with it. I guess I associate everything I experienced in my life during our relationship with you.

This presents a problem. I can't stop enjoying things simply because they bring up memories of you. At the same time however, I worry that by facing those memories, I'll begin to spiral again. I've spent far too many weeks mourning the loss of a relationship that ended over a year ago. Coming close to a year and a half, if you take into account when I stopped fully enjoying it. And I think I need to keep reminding myself of that half year. Yes, being with you made me happy, but I was also never fully without you. Could that be why I didn't want to spend all that much time with Hiram in any one sitting? Perhaps.

I hope that in my next relationship, I can get over that. I like to picture myself with someone. We are happy together, but we're also happy apart from each other. Sure there's a wish to be around them, but it never feels like it has to happen. It just does.

Its clear I'm not over you yet J, but I'm getting there. Until then, I'll keep writing.

M