Dear J,

I'm pretty damn lonely. Like, an awful lot more of the time than I'd like.  It's easiest to forget all the flaws in our relationship (which were highlighted even further than I'd realised when I talked to Katie, god did she rip us a new one) when all I focus in on is that I could just talk to you, or send you stupid messages, and know that you were happy to receive them. I've kinda just become that guy with no job who's depressed. That's like, my thing. And whether its all in my head or not, that's how I imagine everyone sees me. Is that a stupid way to think about things? God yes. Its the worst way to think. But I do it anyway because I have no self control and I feel my life spiraling away. Which is unbelievably dramatic but whatever, literally no one is ever gonna read this.

You know what the icing on the cake is? Guess what the most toxic thing I could possibly think of, inside my shitty brain, that could technically be justified to myself? Yeah, I fancy the ass off of my cousin's birth mum. So like, technically speaking there's no blood between us, we have no formal relationship, blah blah, but jeez Michael, way to think up situations that would really fuck up your family, not just your friend circles. I really need to get a job. And maybe get laid. Though probably the former is better.