Dear J,

It didn't work. It was a stop-gap at best.

I'm sorry.

I don't know how often I can say that before I scream.

I spent a year and a half lying to myself about how much I love you. About how in love with you I am. I've finally figured out the difference between the two.

I have to wonder, is it worse for me to just start ignoring you again, or should I spill out all the secrets that I'm failing to keep from you I'm sure. Because I can't go on with this for much longer. And I'm so sorry that I made you feel the same way for so long.

But sorry doesn't change things. Sorry won't make right all the wrongs I've caused. Sorry won't get back the lost time, and sorry won't make you stop feeling the way you do for MacDara instead of me.

I've never been so afraid of the unknown as I am now.