Dear J,

You know, thinking back on things, I wonder if I misjudged Hiram. Before we got together, and before things got serious, they had serious plans to get with me at the cast party. And they knew I was in a relationship. What does that say about a person, when they're willing to ignore blatant evidence that things may not work out the way they seem? I guess I'm one to talk, but in my case, I never meant to make you cheat, but break up and come back to me. Obviously not a particularly foolproof, or moral plan, obviously, but to blatantly ignore someone's relationship status is something else altogether.

I wanted to see the good things in Hiram, and for the most part I did. But what you said about them being a homewrecker, did I manage to justify it for my own conscience? So that I could love someone who's moral code allowed them to do that?

And if so, what does that say about me? I guess it fits in with the profle I've built up about myself. I date people who I see as broken, and throw myself at them, exposing my inner self to them.

I really am just trying to find what I had with you again. I just hope that I don't become so desperate that my own moral standards don't slip like Hiram's seemed to. There's no excuse for their behaviour. And it's a damn shame that I never called them out for it.

This is the first day without you. I'm not sure if I truly wanted you to message me or not, but I guess I'm disappointed you didn't. I didn't really expect you to, I was pretty clear in my letter. I suppose it means you knew me well enough to know it was a bad idea to even acknowledge you got it.

I know it doesn't mean much anymore, but I truly hope you're happy. And I'm sorry I don't get to be a shoulder to lean on about your mum. You deserve to be treated a lot better than I have treated you. I hate MacDara, but I hope he's good to you. Be well.

M