Dear J,

I'm so tired.  I've spent so long doing nothing, and yet I still feel physically and mentally exhausted a lot more of the time than I'd like.

I miss being held. I miss having that genuine connection with someone. I desperately crave it. It disgusts me. Because as soon as I have it, I'll begin to disregard it. And then all I'm left with is someone else I don't talk to.

I wish you hadn't blocked me. Not that I was going to talk to you ever again, but because it tells me that perhaps your feelings towards me are not as dead and buried as I'd hoped. I could pretend that the spark was dead. Now I'm left feeling unsure, exactly the opposite of what I want. I guess it doesn't really change anything in the grand scheme of things. I still have a hole in my chest. I guess it just means that you do too.